talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
