He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we made out on top of his cat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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