My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
