I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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