what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
