you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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