The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
