that's an acceptable place to lick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
