why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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