I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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