the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
