My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
