You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
