how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
50% drunk capacity currently
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
COCAINE IS GR8
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
