In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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