i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
