Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
