im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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