The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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