I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
