Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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