Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
