Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You've changed since you got that strap on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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