She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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