I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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