perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
