Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I heard we made out
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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