I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
