All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize