The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
