I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You smell like stripper and shame
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
