I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
