it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the day after is always just damage control
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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