She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
