im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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