i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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