Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
