Sry I called you an 8
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one