I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.