I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.