Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.