just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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