Where is the hickey?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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