Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
