Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
