Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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