i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
