the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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