from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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