I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
