So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
