Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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