worst night to have a conscience
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
