I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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