Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
