Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
