Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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