I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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