do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
