I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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