your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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