come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
