Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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