you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
