well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
