Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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