so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
