Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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