i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize