Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
