my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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