Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
