Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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