He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize