I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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