Girls should come with a carfax report
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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