i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
