I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
