I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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