I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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