Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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