Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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