He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
